Every so often you need to get into something deep and meaningful. THIS isn't one of them. And you have to have slight Monty Python leanings.
Apparently Browning does a regular column of "How To..." for the Weekend Magazine supplement of UK's Guardian newspaper, and this is a selection. I'm only part way through but I'll be using this (found it at the Salvos) for essential time-to-time distraction.
There's about 120 of these 2-pager "insights", under 12 headings (Teenagers & Students, Hedges & Neighbours, etc etc). A few extracts....
How to ... sneeze
Sneezing expels air from your nose at approximately 100 mph, except in Norfolk where it's much slower.
How to ... have a cold
The enemy of the cold is the hot toddy. This is a traditional remedy consisting of whisky, honey, nutmeg, kerosene, WD 40, and the juice of a lemon. A properly made hot toddy is so disgusting to drink that the cold seems relatively pleasant afterwards.
How to ... use a fridge
Philosophers have often speculated whether the fridge light is still on when the door is closed. In return, fridges often speculate whether philosophers still talk rubbish when they take their corduroy jackets off.
How to ... have big ears
Some famous people have been known to glue their ears down in order to make themselves seem more streamlined. The trick here is to make sure the glue is strong enough as there's nothing worse than making a big social entrance with your nicely flush ears only to have one suddenly break free and fly open like a taxi door.
Well worth browsing a copy if you have one in your local Salvo Op Shop, but I haven't yet found out why you should never hit a jellyfish with a spade.
Cheers....
T.R.E.
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